• Elizabeth Casper

Couple's Therapy: A look inside our why, the process, and what we took away!

Updated: Apr 22, 2020

I love being a wife. I love being a wife to my husband. I use the titles every opportunity I get! But before we accepted our new titles, we tuned in together and went to couple’s therapy.

I think it is one of the most wonderful and empowering things that you can do both as an individual and as a couple.

Why we wanted to go to therapy together?

The biggest difference in my relationship with Robby and any other relationship I’ve ever been in is our communication. From the very start, we both made clear that communication was #1 and I think that’s why our relationship is where it is now. So talking about couple’s therapy was never a hard subject to brooch and we both knew it was something we thought would be very beneficial to us in our relationship. I wanted to go into our marriage on more solid ground than ever. To get even more clear on our communication and each other’s inner workings and wants/needs for life. To ensure that we could start off our future on the best and most blissful foot.

For me, the idea came from my upbringing in the Catholic church. I know that most churches provide consoling with the priest/pastor in the months leading up to a couple’s marriage, and I love that idea. We did not get married in a church, but knew that we liked that particular practice so we decided to look for a therapist!

Finding a therapist!

Robby and I had been talking about finding a therapist for months, and we could do all of the googling in the land, but it would never be the same as getting a vibe from someone in person. I actually happened to find ours by happenstance from a member at a fitness studio I was working for. He was so friendly and mentioned that he was a therapist and I immediately asked him if his practice offered couple’s therapy. He was so sweet and honestly so excited. He said that he gets so pumped when couples invest in therapy early on!

After consulting with the therapist we matched with and discussing our wants/needs from therapy as well as our financial situation, we decided that we would go once a month for 3 months in the summer before our wedding. It was so worth it and we have talked much about going back regularly when it is financially feasible to us.

The process:

Now you guys hear my voice all the time, but I thought it would be helpful to hear Robby’s point of view in this instance! I asked Robby his opinions and this is what he had to say.

Liz: Q “Are you glad that we went to couple’s therapy? If yes/no why?”

Robby A: ”Yes I am very happy that we went together. I think everyone should even if you don’t think your relationship has any issues. Being able to be in a safe space like that and talk with your partner is important. Also, the therapist may be able to ask you questions that you have never thought to ask each other and/or give you tools to deal with issues when they arise in your relationship.”

Liz Q: What was the best part, or the best takeaway, for you?

Robby A: Best take away is that we should all be in therapy all the time (I agree!) But actually, because we are both pretty non confrontational, it gave us good ways to check in with each other and talk about things that are bothering us.

Thanks babe! And I agree!

For me, this was my first foray into therapy, so it definitely took me a bit longer to let go and allow myself to sink into the process. Even just the few short months we went were life changing. For example: Our therapist at one point brought up that she felt like I was trying to do things “right” and there is no “right or wrong” way to do therapy. Man was she correct! This is something I know about myself in life and in our relationship. Sometimes things are going to feel ugly and get dirty, and it’s ok. You need to go there sometimes unedited in order to work through all of the stuff!

The whole process just made me so much more comfortable voicing and justifying my feelings for myself and our relationship. I think it helped us both to see through the other's eyes and for that, and countless other reasons, I am so happy that we did this together.

Our wonderful therapist left us with lots of practices to take home, and for me that was the greatest takeaway. The simplest thing, like a weekly check in, has been huge and is becoming such a wonderful healthy habit for us. This is our scheduled weekly time for our feelings to be heard on any subject. It has really opened up the line of communication and our comfortability. It has allowed us to talk about and work through things we didn’t know we needed to.

Knowing that we always have a safe space to talk about things, has made it much easier to do so. Like Robby said, we are both pretty non confrontational, so sometimes bringing up our grievances can be hard. Just knowing that we have a time scheduled to do just that, has made all of those things so much easier to talk about even outside of our check in times. Now the little things don’t feel like they're such a big deal because I know there is a space where they matter. We have a space in our relationship in which I know I will be seen and heard. It has opened up into to many hard and wonderful conversations. Very often we will even end up off on a tangent topic (classic Liz!), but these moments enrich our lives and deepen our connection!

All in all, I think therapy is incredible and in the future we will make it a regular part of our routine together and individually! If you are planning a wedding, or even in just a long term relationship, couple’s therapy is so empowering and we highly recommend you get into it!

Would love to keep the convo going! Send me your questions via the comments, or DM me on instagram (@theglitterwarrior) if you want to chat about it! I am an open book and happy to be your cheerleader through life.

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